If you're reading this--chances are I'm already dead.
Of prostate cancer.
I died of prostate cancer.
Kidding, but what if..?
Kidding again!
I totally got you there!
The look on your face:
PRICELESS
I will never die.
And if I did, it wouldn't be from prostate cancer because prostate cancer is stupid, dumb and stupid
Seeing as that's the case: I thought it best we (I) introduce ourselves (myself). Get to know each other and all that other good, good shit.